Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Publisher: Penguin

Format: Kindle e-book

Rating: 5/5

Goodreads

Synopsis from Goodreads:

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society--from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer. Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. Taking the reader on a journey from Dale Carnegie’s birthplace to Harvard Business School, from a Tony Robbins seminar to an evangelical megachurch, Susan Cain charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal in the twentieth century and explores its far-reaching effects. She talks to Asian-American students who feel alienated from the brash, backslapping atmosphere of American schools. She questions the dominant values of American business culture, where forced collaboration can stand in the way of innovation, and where the leadership potential of introverts is often overlooked. And she draws on cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience to reveal the surprising differences between extroverts and introverts. Perhaps most inspiring, she introduces us to successful introverts--from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Finally, she offers invaluable advice on everything from how to better negotiate differences in introvert-extrovert relationships to how to empower an introverted child to when it makes sense to be a "pretend extrovert." This extraordinary book has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how introverts see themselves.

I’ve wanted to read Quiet since its release, as I am an introvert. It was a truly enlightening read and I’ll take on board and remember parts for the rest of my life. I highlighted and made so many notes whilst reading, so I’ll have to just do my best at picking out the most important parts for me.

Never Have I Ever - My Life (So Far) Without A Date by Katie Heaney

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Format: Paperback

Rating: 4/5

Goodreads

Synopsis from Goodreads:

"I've been single for my entire life. Not one boyfriend. Not one short-term dating situation. Not one person with whom I regularly hung out and kissed on the face."

So begins Katie Heaney's memoir of her years spent looking for love, but never quite finding it. By age 25, equipped with a college degree, a load of friends, and a happy family life, she still has never had a boyfriend ... and she's barely even been on a second date.

Throughout this laugh-out-loud funny book, you will meet Katie's loyal group of girlfriends, including flirtatious and outgoing Rylee, the wild child to Katie's shrinking violet, as well as a whole roster of Katie's ill-fated crushes. And you will get to know Katie herself -- a smart, modern heroine relaying truths about everything from the subtleties of a Facebook message exchange to the fact that "Everybody who works in a coffee shop is at least a little bit hot."

Funny, relatable, and inspiring, this is a memoir for anyone who has ever struggled to find love, but has also had a lot of fun in the process.

I will start out by saying this will not be a standard review because I just cannot speak about this book objectively. The subject matter hits far too close to home to do that.

What I can say is that it is a very candid and heartfelt piece of writing. Never Have I Ever is as much an ode to friendship as to (lack of) dating. Katie managed to make her friendship circle seem like one you want to join immediately. She managed to cover a great deal of time in such a short space but kept it flowing well. The chapters were nicely broken up and she didn't stay on one topic too long. I won't say it's a brave move because that would be playing into the stereotypes of 'normal' 20-something behaviour but I'm glad Katie wrote this book. I did many enthusiastic nods, shouts of 'yaaasss' and even the odd Shirley clap throughout. 

So, why couldn't I write a proper review? Well, how do you review a book when it seems like you could've written it yourself? Not in a 'well, I'm a better storyteller/writer/executer of ideas' kind of way but more like 'bloody hell, this is my life, I'm not the only one'. It was even more accuarate than those Buzzfeed quizzes, and that's no easy feat because they are freakishly on point. Although, I'm pretty sure I'm not a Doug Stamper. Anyway, the title of this book applies to me also and I'm sure there are many of us just blending in with everyone else, nodding and smiling. 

I turned 25 last Friday and I, like Katie, have never been on a proper date or even had a 'short-term' boyfriend. Unlike Katie, I also went to a boys school for part of my schooling (so I think I'm even more of an anomaly?). As far as I know (but it's hard to look at oneself objectively) there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not Kerry Washington gorgeous but I'm not hideous either - trust me, I know you can't really tell from the little picture on the side considering half a book is covering my face, but yeah...just trust me. I am not lacking in self confidence - can't you tell? I did not grow up in a strict, conservative household or area - my parents are very laid back and my home country spawned this wonderful gem, so take that as you will. I've jumped through most of the hoops that most people my age would have encountered by now. I also like to think I've had my fair share of adventures thus far. However, I've just never managed to find someone. Sometimes, it bothers me but most of the time I don't really think about it too much. 

The question most daters and couples would ask is: why? Well, let's use some of Katie's points to take a look. First of all, as Katie quite rightly points out towards the end of the book, there's a difference between serial daters and...us. Serial daters do not see anything wrong with settling or giving people they don't really click with - or even like - chances. However, when you've spent most of your life doing as you please, honing your tastebuds, curating a brilliant circle of friends, being ok with going to the cinema alone, and just generally enjoying your own company....why would you want to spend time with someone you're not interested in? I talked about back up plans and settling here with regard to your career. The same applies to this situation I believe. Basically, if you've not been on a date before, then dating for dating's sake just seems absolutely ludicrous. 

Secondly, I don't think dating is the same in the UK as in the US. I don't know for sure but from what I've learnt by way of cultural osmosis, over here it's more about hanging out with friends of friends and making it work that way rather than systematic dating. However, as I said, I don't really know for sure. As for online dating, well, as far as I can see from our adverts it is for older people. Then again, according to one of my friends everyone our age is doing it. So, I'm not sure about that but considering I have quite a hard time writing profile bio's for Twitter and even here (notice there isn't one) I just don't think I could do it - it wouldn't work for me. I don't really like Facebook, I'm a rubbish Tweeter, and I'm just generally pants when it comes to creating an online presence (again, can't you tell?). 

Thirdly, happily married for 25+ years parents, and religious beliefs, give you different perspectives on love. As Katie says, if your parents met at school/college, and haven't really spent much time apart since, then you kind of expect the same thing to happen to you. I will admit, I was a little disappointed no-one cropped up at my HUGE London university. Although I did spend a lot of time in my department, Theology, so that might have played into it. Anyway, this all plays back into the settling thing discussed above. 

Finally, when you spend so much time on your own and not expecting anything, it can be hard to pick up when someone does like you a little more than usual (note to the future Mr Sophia - I probably won't have a clue unless you tell me straight out). There's a great bit towards the end of the book where Katie's best friend Rylee admits she judges whether there might be the possiblity that every guy she interacts with might be into her. It later turned out that nearly all her friends did the same thing. Katie couldn't believe it. Neither could I but I know people do it. 

Anyway, to conclude (because I'm aware I have been waffling/ baring my soul for far too long) I just loved this book. It also helps that the book was endorsed by Rachel Bertsche of MWF Seeking BFF, which I also LOVED because it helped me a lot. I just enjoyed taking a brief jaunt away from the 'lighthouses' and spending time with a fellow 'Bermuda Triangle' (as Katie says). ANyway, here's to hoping both Katie and I (or maybe just me, I don't know what Katie's situation is these days) manage to shun our Bermuda Triangleness for a while so that we might find people who appreciate our awesomensss.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Publisher: W H Allen

Format: Hardback

Rating: 5/5

I'm not really sure where to start...This book was so very enlightening and inspiring. It was just what I needed to read during this time in my life.

There's no denying it, being a woman in the workplace is difficult (even more so when you add race into the equation. There's nothing quite like going for an interview and seeing your interviewer's face falter before plastering on the fake smile when they realise the candidate, who on paper seems white or Asian at a push, is in fact black. But that's a story for another day). However, with the likes of Beyonce and Taylor Swift squirming and back peddling with talk of 'extreme feminism' and what not, I think Lean In is a must read for everyone to get an idea of what women are battling with on a daily basis. This book is helpful for anyone at any stage in their career. The standout points for me:

Career jungle gym rather than career ladder

This notion really resonates with the modern working world where the idea of a job for life is no longer the norm. Although, from personal experience, it appears that some people haven't quite moved with the times. Even though I graduated two and a half years ago, during my current job search I am classed as wanting to 'change careers' when in actuality I am just trying to do what I have always wanted to do. How can a twenty four year old be changing careers? I've only just started! Which leads me to the next standout point..

18 month plan + life goals

Sheryl Sandberg advises you need to figure out what to do whilst striving for your lifetime goals, which needn't be career orientated at all. You might want to travel the world, have a family, or even write a musical (ahem). I would love to hammer this point home to our sixth formers because here in the UK (perhaps depending on which type of school you went to) you are supposed to go to university with a pretty clear idea of what career you intend on pursuing in the end. So, at eighteen, you start a degree in medicine or law or dentistry, rather than exploring various disciplines before getting down to business at graduate school. I have always been opposed to this pressure placed on young adults to make such important, complex decisions at such a young age, and I vaguely remember giving a passionate speech about it during my GCSE English oral exam. At the end of the day, the system leaves you feeling like a failure in your twenties when you realise that, actually, you do not want to be a lawyer or a marketing assistant or whatever your degree was in, and by jove they make it damn hard for you to change.

So, I appreciate that Sheryl Sandberg brought it home that you need to have short and long term goals. I like to think of the whole shebang like the London underground during rush hour: you squeeze into a bursting carriage (someone might make a space for you or even help you on if you're lucky) regardless of where the tube is actually heading because you know you need to keep moving. You can change in two or three stops and get onto another line- no biggie. You can even go back to the start. Either way, you'll eventually get to your destination.

The nature of mentors

This was really interesting. I am guilty of doing what Sheryl Sandberg says many young people have  done to her. For some reason, we feel like we need a mentor, therefore we need to hunt one down and fire a million (vague) questions at them. However, Sheryl Sandberg says a 'mentor' will pick their 'mentee' without needing to add such labels. A senior figure will naturally gravitate towards someone who they see has potential - not the other way around. This really hit home for me. So, I look forward to the day when I finally get a job somewhere (!) and someone sees it fit to take an interest in me and my career, 

Obviously, there's so much more packed into this little book but these points really struck a chord with me. One more thing I will say is something Sheryl Sandberg touched on towards the end: even broaching the topic of gender at work can be a minefield in the legal/HR sense. Whilst reading Lean In,  I asked a family member (who works in a male dominated, finance environment) if there were any women on the desk these days. He said yes, one. I repeated what Sheryl Sandberg said about senior men helping out junior women. He said no way Jose, that's a tribunal case waiting to happen. Now, I have absolutely no idea how this can be solved but as Sheryl Sandberg says, it is an issue that really has to be solves as it is a huge stumbling block for the advancement of women. What is going to happen to that one woman on the desk? There are no other women there to guide her and all the men are (perhaps quite rightly) scared of a sexual harassment case. 

Overall, as you can see, I found this book extremely helpful. It's not a recipe book for success or anything ( I would be dubious of anybody who offered such a work) but there are some useful tips and tools and, most importantly, an inside look at what is really going on in the workplace.